It is important for progressing to first see where we are! You cannot start from point zero, you always have done some part of the way before. Thus you should see where you are now and what the way is you already have done. Only by facing your present situation, by assessing your present state of being, you can make a true evolution. It is essential that you face your present situation, even though it might be very depressing to look at it. Your present situation is the outcome of your past thoughts! So don’t be surprised if it looks negative, shabby, ugly and hopeless.
Just acknowledge that your previous thought patterns were negative, and that it is thus logical that your present situation is reflecting this negative pattern. And you will see that this very insight already gives you relief!
Facing your situation does not mean that you should be fatalistic and focus upon the negative points in your life. It only means to face what is!
If you see what your present situation is, you can peacefully acknowledge that you have been on the wrong track before and you can correct the thought patterns, and the emotional patterns, that were producing negative results. It’s like an entrepreneur who assesses his present state of affairs, who has suffered losses and now gets to find out the exact reasons for those losses, so that he can learn from his mistake and correct his previous action, and do it better in the future.
Sometimes you need a distance to your present struggles. You might be in an emotionally strained situation where it’s difficult for you to keep a cool head, and you might want to do some sort of relaxation or meditation or just become quiet inside in order to focus on your energy.
Avoid distractions, cinema or television since this surely does not favor introspection but will blur your inner visions! First of all, believe in yourself and the truth of your inner world. Your inner images, what you see or feel when you are relaxed and centered, those ideas that come up and that may seem crazy to you are part of your innermost truth. Thus, they are important messages from your inner world, and can guide you toward a better, more complete reality, a reality in which you realize your love constructively, without needing to coerce somebody into being a passive dummy for your abreaction.
Facing your situation also means to see yourself for a moment from the vantage point of an observer, somebody who is impartial, who does not take sides, who does not judge, but who has empathy for you. You have this observer in yourself and need only activate it in order to profit from the insights it can deliver. But for this to happen you need to be fully relaxed. This inner observer is most of the time dysfunctional because of a dominant inner critic. The inner critic is the instance in you that judges yourself, that always knows better, that is haughty and arrogant and that tells you something like: ‘You’re a little piece of shit, so why do you actually bother to improve yourself? You can never do anything valuable, so better you act out like mad or just kill yourself right away!’
It is fatal to listen to the voice of the inner critic, and the fact that you do might be the main reason why you cannot manage your life properly and run amok almost all the time. I believe that indeed the main reason why passion crimes are committed is that the inner critic is too strong and doesn’t allow these individuals to admit their vulnerability, and does therefore not allow them to realize their desire in any natural and social way.
To break the cycle of sexual violence is possible if you allow yourself sexual pleasure in a natural, shared and sociable way, by making friends, following basic social rules to gather with others, and by gradually building trust and long-lasting relationships. Love, and whatever it is you need sexually, works out fine with building social relations, and through experiencing sexual love on a mutually consenting basis.
If you try to get it for money, by seeking relations with prostitutes, you may get the sexual part fulfilled, but hardly ever the emotional part, and the social part, which is why those love experiences are most of the time not fulfilling on all levels, and they may be short-lived and haphazard. Real fulfillment comes from longer-lasting and mutually chosen relations, and this quite independently of the age of the partners.
If you love children, the same principles apply. If you cannot directly bond with children, that is, with those who are free to decide about their own destiny, such as street children, there is no other way than bonding with their parents, and searching out those who are open-minded and permissive enough to possibly allow their child to have an adult mate. If you brush such options off as ‘impossible’ or ‘impossible in our times,’ or ‘impossible in my culture,’ then of course, you block yourself and your love. Nothing is impossible in love.
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