You can’t remain eternally stagnant, thinking about options, without putting a decisive step toward realization. You must take action! Evaluate all the options you have. Make an option catalogue.
Then visualize each of these options, as if seeing yourself as the actor in a film that plays a version of that option. While you see this film in your mental eye, be as relaxed as possible. If you feel fear coming up, stop the session and begin it anew in a moment you are more relaxed and more positive.
Do this little game with every option in your catalogue. Then evaluate every single option as to its effectiveness to bring you closer to your desired goal. Finally, decide which option you like most, and why? Ask yourself:
- What is the action I need to take at first?
- What are the obstacles? Can they be removed, and how?
- What are the risks? Can they be kept at stake?
- What is the ultimate advantage from realizing this option?
If you are clear about every step to take, go out and make it happen. Be always watchful, but trust the goodness of your fate. Don’t be overcautious and coward, but do on the other hand not take unnecessary risks. And firmly believe that destiny helps you realize your love without hurting other humans. Trust that your love will be realized without hurting those you love and who love you!
I think that all great people once came upon their own way and set out to live it in a focused and strongly personal manner. Frank Sinatra sings ‘My Way’ and his life showed that indeed he had unusual powers, on one hand, and an undeniable shadow, on the other. Our shadow is what gives depth to the picture, it is our hidden power, our reservoir of energy that is to be put at good use. Our shadow is our chance to become true individuals and live original lives, without the need to imitate others.
Only by becoming very sensitive, we can heal the sadistic affliction. This sensitivity can be built in various ways. Let me suggest a few that I have tried out and that worked:
- Reduce alcohol consumption to a strict minimum;
- Reduce smoking to a strict minimum;
- Reduce eating red meat to a strict minimum;
- Try to live a simple lifestyle and avoid large festivities;
- Avoid to aggrandize yourself in your fantasies.
Will this society be one day mature enough to face that love is love, and as such not subject of power abuse, and that it is part of the human karma, the total human experience, without being afraid with this or that sexual act? It is to overcome the manipulation of all religions, violent state doctrines and power ideologies of all times and to attain freedom. Then only, and not before, will there be responsible social mores and rules.
To speak with Krishnamurti, instead of thinking, reasoning and arguing with yourself, you should develop total attention so that you can intuitively grasp the whole of the question. This watchful passive alertness, when you are focused inside and upon your longings and desires, is erotic intelligence. It reflects the deep truth that our body, and our emotions have their own intrinsic intelligence —that may well differ from the voice of our mind.
Erotic intelligence is a natural outflow of consciousness! However, unfortunately so, emotional and erotic consciousness are underdeveloped in our culture. If we try to understand why society fights sexual paraphilias as the ultimate monstermind software in the human setup, we must see the psychological mechanism of projection. With other words, we must come to the point to see the fact that society always projects on certain people or groups the content of consciousness that it has blinded out from its official dogma of reality.
What my mind cannot assimilate, it projects upon others, a group, a lifestyle, a condition, or a race. As I hide from myself the fact that I am violent, I will develop and display a real zeal for fighting violence in the world. Instead of tackling the problem where it really is, within myself, I try to solve it on a fantasy stage: the level of ‘humanity at large.’
If the many abuse victims that go around making the world save for universal love could see how abusive they are with their own children, they would probably end up totally depressed —but that would be to their best. They would stop that zealous fight that is but a blind man’s buff.
Hiding desires brings about dishonesty and myths. One of them is the myth that there was something like purity. It’s a word to be found in the spiritual literature all over the world. While purity is certainly a quality to be appreciated in any human being, purity as a virtue is entirely different of what the mass public tends to understand under this word; it does certainly not mean emotional numbness. True purity is virtue that implies truthfulness, honesty and straightforwardness. It is quite the contrary of the false, hypocrite and perversely dishonest attitude to be found in modern society regarding the reality of our emotions and sexual feelings.
The majority’s response to their own natural emotions is but repression and oblivion, the classical attitude of the cannot-be-what-must-not-be. They simply are afraid of erotic intelligence, and tend to fight awareness of their emosexual needs. They try to handle their lives not by intelligent understanding of their desires and dreams, but by adapting to strict dogmatic rules. With one word, they are not humans, but robots.
The consequences are communication disabilities and a general appalling lack of creativeness in the common man or woman. These are not just minor problems in today’s modern consumer cultures, and they are not just random appearances; in fact, these shortcomings make out a great part of the work of psychologists and therapists. Creativity can hardly develop in a climate of suspicion and emotional repression. It depends upon qualities like spontaneity, trust, openness, honesty and straightforwardness.
Energetically speaking, this is well explainable by the higher bioplasmatic vibration of truly creative people. People who are not fragmented are charismatic. Their vital energy is felt as inspiring and they easily respond to it by enthusiasm and a generally loving and embracing attitude that is felt as erotic so that you can experience their high bioenergetic charge in their presence. That is all the secret.
Creativity can only develop within a framework of freedom and acceptance, and where bioenergy can freely flow and be exchanged – not in a nightmare of fear and persecution or, worse, public hysteria that is the daily reality in our paranoid culture. Love is unity. Those who argue that love has nothing to do with pleasure, such as K, and that love thus is always platonic, argue on the basis of moralistic dualism, a form of philosophical schizophrenia.
I mention K here as a negative example, and deliberately so, for he was by no means consistent in his approach to love and sex. He contradicted himself blatantly. He was always pretending he was not taking a moralistic approach but then said that love had nothing to do with pleasure. If love is really abstract from pleasure, as K says, then we got a schizoid split here when people are mating just for pleasure. Then, we would have to argue that they are not loving each other and just act upon their sensations.
I do not believe that physical love is outside the realm of total love. In the contrary do I think that love also embraces pleasure. K was not clear about sexuality at all; he lived a non-sexual life, which cannot be taken as an example for ordinary people, as most humans are not able to renounce their sexual wishes. And I am asking provocatively, and would have asked K had I had the opportunity to meet him in person: ‘Why should humans be able to renounce their sexual wishes?’ ‘What virtue is there in renouncing desires that are given by nature?’
I would ask the same question to the oldest of sages, Lao-tzu. He also affirmed that one had to ‘seal the port of desire’, and his energy science was completely biased as it considers only yang as positive, creative and growth-inducing, but not yin. This was the official doctrine of Taoism, the oldest religion of humanity. All those religious and philosophical books are written by males, and for males, and they are biased in every possible respect.
This is why I think for intelligent and sensitive people of our times, all this has only a very relative value; we are called upon to forge new social policies and laws for a new society! We cannot look back because we live in a new and very different evolutionary cycle within the total growth process of humanity. We can take some wisdom from these old teachings, but that’s about all. They won’t help us that much in meeting the need there is for a different look upon life, love and sex.
— I widely agree here with Riane Eisler’s conclusions in her book Sacred Pleasure: Sex, Myth and the Politics of the Body (1996).
A person with vivid emotions doesn’t experience fatal lifestyle diseases and does equally not need expensive medical treatments since their self-healing capacities are excellent. By the same token, an erotically satisfied person does not develop high interest in consumer goods. Their body is their primary focus when they relax and retreat from public life, and not a gadget ersatz, readily fabricated by modern consumer industry. Hence, erotically fulfilled people are per se heretics in a system that commercially exploits the repression of our primary eroticism!
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